Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
