3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
