I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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