i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
