Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
