dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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