Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
