i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
