im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
