Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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