I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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