Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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