new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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