I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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