my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize