I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
