I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
