Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
