dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
