During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize