me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
