That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
