I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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