You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
do herpes really smell.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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