meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
