He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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