she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
