Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
