The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the day after is always just damage control
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
