don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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