1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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