Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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