stop calling my apartment porn island.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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