im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize