when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
