In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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