grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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