yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
