if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize