you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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