He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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