Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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