Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
