i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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