i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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