if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
