I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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