Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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