I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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