the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize