I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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