Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this just has baby written all over it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
