I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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