You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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