when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
