It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
