The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
not ubering you a puppy
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
