Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel great
I just peed on a car
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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