Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
