My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
