Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
