turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
