They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
