you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
