your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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