Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
