Your face is a jimmy john
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
