don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
