I'll bet she douches with gravy.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Go christen that room with your naked body.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
