Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
