he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
