you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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