Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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