I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
