Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
barbara walters just said penis...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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