Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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