i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
