I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
